May Allah raise my father’s grades in Jannah ~ Ameen
Almost 34 downloaded torrents of movies and several hundreds MB data of pictures in nifty hard drive of my laptop; but I don’t have single picture of my BaBa. There is nothing wrong in not having his picture, but when I thought to write this blog on his 24th death anniversary on September 17th, I needed a picture. Googled his name Ch. Muhammad Saleem; search showed about 3,380,000 results in 0.55 seconds. Guess what not a single was him.
I realized when he died it was not age of computer or internet. Even medicines for his Blood Cancer were always imported from England because of unavailability in Pakistan. Thus I concluded that I Rubab Saleem besides Hasan Saleem and Ali Saleem never thought of scanning or uploading his picture on any social network. He probably is left “a name” in our lives.
I was little kid to understand his “death” besides my two young brothers. However being eldest I can recollect all those bitter memories that relate to his illness and death. It was a gloomy evening when two of my chachas took us to Sialkoat from Gujranwala. No doubts; every bit of that particular day was sad and mourning. A strange and unfamiliar view of my paternal house; that became unforgettable; main gate was wide open with white sheets spread on floor and men squatting in and outside the gate. My mother on witnessing this shouted and inquired about BaBa, I am sure she collected what was all that; immediately. My grand mother in corridor was sitting and crying with other relatives. His body was yet to arrive from Pindi. At that very moment my mother certainly would have prayed that “this should be a lie”.
Two days back BaBa had gone to CMH Rawalpindi for check up. He had hemorrhage in foot and last stages of cancer left him dependent upon my mother. BaBa went to hospital alive but returned dead. Since then, my mother’s sufferings started as single parent and a void was established in mine and my sibling’s lives. But Ammi’s sacrifices and hardships; she faced; afterwords have compensated Baba’s absence in our lives. She played both Father and Mother to rear us up as successful human beings. In return we could not love of even her share. She never shares emptiness of her life without him. The only thing I noticed throughout my life; Ammi wears black dress whole September every year since BaBa’s death. And her health issues aggravates during this month.
I don’t intend to write his biography, also my few memories associated with him are holy to me. However those are glued to my mind that I can repeat hundred times with minutest details. I only know what BaBa tried to teach me was mindlessly fast; perhaps he knew he was not going to live longer. Unfortunately BaBa remained unsuccessful in his endeavors to induce suffice guiding principals that could help me throughout the life.
If this is purportedly true that souls of deceased and beloved people keep an eye on what we are going through and show their concerns, I felt BaBa always with me. I felt his anger, love and his concerns for me and Ammi always.
Death is a fearful but unavoidable phenomenon, every breath is dragging us close to death. In our lives we see many relatives and friends pass away natural or in unnatural manners. But Life goes on with same speed and pace. Time is said to be good healer but I believe it makes us less sensitive or sometimes insensitive. We recall them, cry for them and pray for them according to our faith and believes. We wish to see them in dreams, many credulous people follow aimless practices of going to sears to have them talk to their departed family members. But their absence can never be filled.
Relationship between Parents and progeny is unexplainable because they can not survive without each other on certain stages of lives. Ironically children love their parents but they fight with them also. They make them cry and they are responsible for looking after them in old age. Parents love their kids illogically particularly in our part of world. Being Muslims we are ordered to respect our parents in any situation, but our love and levels of hurting them are directly proportional to each other.
Please recite Surah Fateha once and Surah Ikhlas thrice for him.